Cafe TORTONI

In every guide book you come across, a visit to Cafe Tortoni is at the top of every 'Must-Do' list.  I don't like being told what to do but this historical cafe has been around since 1858 and holds the title of the oldest cafe in the city.  It was the favourite stomping grounds of such Argentine notables Carlos Gardel, Jorge Luis Borges, Luigi Pirandello, Federico Garcia Lorca, Arturo Rubenstein and Julio Cortazar whose images are immortalized in bronze busts scattered throughout the cafe. But don't ask me who they were, I only recognize two of their names because they're subway stops I have to use.  

Regardless of the historical importance that this cafe probably represents, it is, in my opinion, worth the visit for the quality of the coffee alone.  Having been spoiled by a year of Italian espressos I have found the coffee in this town to be a disappointment, oddly thin and watery considering the delicious richness of their milk.  Tortoni's espresso tastes how espresso should, and the Italian cappuccino (although not slightly Italian at all based on the cinnamon, chocolate shavings and chantilly cream) was scrummy.  The waitstaff is a tempered cross between formal and fed up; they walk around in dark suits with starched, white napkins over their forearms and when they think no one is looking they roll their eyes and bang their trays in frustration.  A good mix of surly and sincere is crucial at any tourist trap destination.  Oops!  Sorry, tourist trap is too strong, but if it makes one more "Top Ten List" then I doubt it will avoid that moniker much longer.

What Tortoni needs the most to preserve its genuine and historical character, and therefore shirk its growing image as 'Tourist Trap', is to foster its older clientele who normally range in age from 60-85 years old.  Not surprisingly this demographic finds themselves disgusted by the lines outside waiting for a table and too old to be waiting around for a cup of coffee.  Instead of sending them to the back of the line, and therefore basically turning them away, Tortoni should usher them right in, front and center.  With its polished brass, mahogany wood, high ceilings, marble tables and cushioned seats the cafe looks too distinguished to be overrun with tourists in their sight seeing gear.  What's missing at Cafe Tortoni are the older ladies in fur coats and muffs and men with monocles.  Anything else looks like plebs playing make believe. 

In summation, the coffee is great, the pastries aren't much, and the austere atmosphere illuminated by fluorescent back-lit stain glass on the ceiling reminds you that Tortoni's heyday has long since passed.