Bus to Bariloche

Air travel within Argentina and the rest of South America is prohibitively expensive, it's absolute lunacy that a 2 hour plane ride can cost $500 or more. For this reason a lot of people travel by bus which is infinitely less expensive, and since most bus companies have fleets of new luxury buses, it is in most cases a more comfortable form of travel. The one draw back is that it is illegal and dangerous for these double decker buses to travel faster than 90 kilometers an hour; thus, a long distance trip can take a seriously long time. I just took a bus from Buenos Aires to Bariloche, a distance of 1,571 kilometers, and it took a little under 20 hours to complete the journey. Here's a break down of how I handled it.

Hour 1: Just got going- the novelty of staring out the window hasn't worn off yet. So far so good. Graham is feeling a little hungover so he ate a bag of chips and shut his eyes for a nap. I want to listen to my iPod but I've got to conserve the battery, I wonder how long I can hold out for?

Hour 2: My butt is getting numb. There's a movie on right now that I've been wanting to see but it's dubbed in Castellano and subtitled in Spanish! What's the point of that? I took my iPod out to play Scrabble with Graham because the scenery got old quite quickly. The pampas are completely flat, sparsely populated and kind of uninteresting to look at for any length of time. But, if the scenery changes before nightfall I will gladly return to it.

Hour 4: Only 16 left! They've finally put on a movie that isn't dubbed but I've already seen it, typical.

Graham scolded me for talking to the bus attendant in English, however, I only asked for coffee or tea, which isn't that difficult to figure out considering the Spanish is cafe o te. He's clearly a bit dense and I'm not to blame.

*I wonder if bus attendants ever dream of becoming flight attendants?

Hour 7: Just finished with dinner- even on long bus journeys Argentines insist on eating late, now there's a line for the bathroom. I'm hoping to get another little bottle of wine to help me go to sleep but I'm not sure if they've got a one/customer policy going on here. I'll bribe that dense bus attendant if I have to, I need something to put me to bed so I can escape this misery- the dubbed version of Australia just came on and the only thing more annoying than Nicole Kidman's voice is her voice dubbed in Spanish.

Hour 13: Graham just woke me up because that's what he does when he can't sleep. He sees me sleeping peacefully and somehow it gets into his head that if he wakes me up he'll be able to go to sleep, as if sleep is a physical thing that he has to steal from me so he can get some. It's so hot in here, my arm is right next to the radiator and it's en fuego, and my mouth is dry, I'm so thirsty. I hate Graham for waking me up. I'll smother him later for this.

Hour 19: After a fitful night of sleep, being jolted awake by the swaying and stopping of the bus and bad dreams I actually feel quite well rested. We're pretty far south now and the sun is only just rising right now. We're definitely in Patagonia as we've reached some mountains and we're driving through a string of lakes. It's really beautiful scenery now, a pleasure to stare at, and it's somewhat ghostly. We must be at a high altitude because every now and then a wisp of cloud flies by my window. The fog is heavy in some places but it only sits on the water, you can see it so clearly defined that it looks like a glob of white, impenetrable, fluffy cotton, plopped down by some unseen hand.

And Graham doesn't remember ever waking me up, how nice.

I didn't bother to write down what I did at Hour 20 because it was more of the same, but my legs weren't as stiff as I thought they'd be and six hours later I'm still feeling good. But sleeping in a bed tonight will definitely be very nice.

MATILDA'S

It's hard to find a really good cafe latte in this city. Even though the ingredients are the same, the cafe con leche just doesn't hold up in comparison. In fact, cafe lattes aren't the only things I've been craving; bagels and bagel sandwiches, salad wraps, carrot cake, cup cakes and muligatawny soup have all been the objects of my desires at one point or another over the past six months. Never in my wildest cravings did I ever imagine I'd find a place that has it all, but I did and my only regret is not having found it sooner.

Matilda's is a tiny cafe, about the size of a walk-in closet that always seems to be full of people. The seating is limited to a banquette and a couple of stools but that doesn't dissuade people from standing around and soaking up the atmosphere. It's hard to put a finger on Matilda's style, the walls are papered in red, white and blue florals and stripes that give the impression of 4th of July Americana, but the presence of muligitawny soup... its got to be English.

The proprietors set out a new batch of cup cakes, cookies, muffins and cakes every day, as well as make fresh sandwiches, wraps and soups to order. Their coffee is divine and anyone feeling a little homesick, whether home is America or England, would feel well satisfied after a visit to Matilda's.

Matilda's

Chile 673

San Telmo, Buenos Aires

San Telmo

A few pics from around the neighborhood.

Virtual Walk-Through

We just moved into a great new apartment in San Telmo for our final weeks here in Argentina. A new area, a new attitude. Here's a walk-through:

Through the front door into the inner atrium

Nice tiles

Through the next door

Through a courtyard

Under a couple arches

Past the stairs and the elevator shaft

Past the old bathtub full of rocks and some plants

Under a couple more arches and past the garbage cans

Up a few stairs

To the left through the garden

Down the path

Up the stairs

More plants!

This is our high-tech security system

Through the front door

And there it is!

10 Things That Would've Been Good to Know Before Moving to Buenos Aires

Here's a little list of some things that would've been good to know prior to moving here. If you've ever lived here you'll know what I'm talking about, and if you're ever planning on coming here this list will probably help you out too.

1. As a non-citizen it is technically illegal to rent an apartment without an Argentine, land owning cosigner, so you are forced to rent "vacation" apartments which are priced in US dollars.

2. When you buy a cheap cell phone on a pay-as-you-go contract, the money you put on the phone expires within a month. So don't keep putting 100 pesos on it and think that you're just talking a lot.

3. If you eat red meat multiple times a week it's going to change your body.

4. Coins are special. When your grocer asks you if you've got 20 centavos, say no, always.

5. Instead of spending hours trying to decipher the Guia T, use the website www.comoviajo.com.

6. The summer is hotter than hot and the winter is not that cold, despite what the Argentines say. Unless you plan on traveling far south it's not necessary to pack for two opposite seasons.

7. Always kiss on the cheek- even if it's your first time meeting and there's a swine flu pandemic running rampant. Otherwise you risk the chance of probably seriously offending someone.

8. When you're earning pesos and paying your rent in US dollars, you're probably going to lose some money

9. Maradonna is the best footballer ever. Period.

10. Don't call them the Falklands!

The Worst Place In The World

One of the annoying things about travel writing and travel writers in general is that there seems to be an unwritten rule: if it's new to you and if it's not American then it's got to be the most amazing thing you've heard/seen/done that day. Well no, not always and sorry if this offends some but I've seen Hell and it's called El Caminito, and you can find it in the La Boca barrio in Buenos Aires.

Do I regret going there? No, because I'd heard so many other traveler's tales (traveler's like the ones described above who love(!) everything indiscriminately) about how interesting it is, how it's a must-see, you can't leave without stopping by. If I hadn't stopped by I always would've thought I'd missed out on something fantastic. It may of taken many years, but that sort of stuff irks me so I would've made a concerted effort to go there again, and imagine how pissed I would've been! I would've spent years being bothered that I'd never gone there when I had the opportunity to and all for nothing because it's not even worth driving by, much less walking through! I can't express how relieved I am to have avoided that scenario.

Anyway, let me explain to you what El Caminito is. It's like an attraction at Epcot that ran away from home in Florida knowing that there was something bigger and better for it, a whole wide world for the taking! But then it got in with a bad crowd, one thing led to another and before Caminito knew it she was hooked on the bad stuff and started turning tricks to make enough to get the next fix and keep her pimp at bay. It has that kind of a seedy, desperate, heavy veneer to it.

The buildings in this 4 block area are all painted in different vibrant block colors, and in photos it does look rather endearing. In photos. What photos don't capture is the line of waiters that lay in wait on either side of the street, literally ready to pounce on you as soon as you step into their territory. As you wander down the center of the street looking up at the buildings people swoop in on you, thrusting flyers in your face advertising this bar or that restaurant or heckling you: "AMERICA!!! Come have a coffee here! Nice tables! I love AMERICA! Or are you English? ENGLAND!"

Once you successfully weave your way through the vulture-esque waiters you start to notice these creepy looking mannequins on all the balconies and in the windows (see the picture above). I took a closer look just now and I'm pretty sure most of them were dressed as old-timey prostitutes.

Then, to make matters worse, you soon notice that the majority of store fronts are all souvenir shops of the worst sort. They sell the crappiest stuff, stuff that only appeals to people who grew up in transportable houses. Shot glasses, thongs emblazoned with "LA BOCA" in gold letters, mugs/mini license plates/dog tags with the Spanish version of your name, clay ashtrays and other things that really have nothing to do with Argentina other than that they have "Argentina!" written on them.

The area of El Caminito has a genuine history behind it that is completely lost and forgotten in this tourist trap from hell which only makes the entire area even more depressing to visit. If you ever go to Buenos Aires, please, save yourself the hassle of getting to El Caminito because it sucks.

The Silver Lining

image via www.nytimes.com

Swine flu is hitting Buenos Aires in a big way and although some people seem unfazed about the whole ordeal, there are just as many people up in arms and railing against the government for having put the nation's health at risk.

The Argentine government has a history of thinking it knows better than everyone else, so when the Health Minister warned the Kirchners that there was not enough Tamiflu stockpiled in case of an emergency she was dismissed. Now, with the cases of swine flu mounting into the thousands, the death toll now at the third highest in the world behind the US and Mexico, and schools shutting down for 3-4 weeks minimum, the Health Minister was forced to resign and people are spitting mad.

Probably because, in addition to not taking the pandemic seriously enough to stockpile medications just in case, the government has also been suppressing facts and figures until after the Congressional elections were concluded in the hopes that their mismanagement of this situation wouldn't lead to their party being voted out. Fortuitously they lost anyway, so all that hard work of keeping people quiet came to nothing.

But there's a silver lining to every grey cloud, and for me it's this: I don't have to work on Saturday mornings anymore! And Graham doesn't have to work at all! And he still gets paid! Hooray for school closings!

UPDATE: Now my big, multinational company has cancelled all their English lessons until further notice. I think we're headed for a Mexico type shut down.