El Gran HOLLYWOOD

Tripe, Kidney, Penis, Blood Sausage.

Those were the things that I tried last night and didn't like at the local parrilla, El Gran Hollywood. The mound of meat pictured above is the parrillado por dos personas. In case you're confused, that's two people. Incredible, yes? The table of four next to us couldn't believe their eyes either so they ordered it to share amongst themselves and still couldn't finish all of it.

Anyway, I'm not a fan of offal (except for fois gras) but up until yesterday that was based entirely on a 'yucky' factor that didn't involve ever tasting any. Now that I've tasted it I have an honest and informed opinion on the matter, and it is indeed yucky. The tripe has a chewy texture with a chalky flavour that I found slightly disconcerting. The kidney was better in overall taste but a little rubbery. The penis was awful. I've never tasted anything like it before and I don't care how culturally insensitive I sound right now, I would never eat something so foul ever again. If you don't care to know what barbecued penis looks like then I suggest you don't look too hard at the picture below. For everyone else you get a pretty good idea of what the inside of a penis looks like if you focus on the right side of the plate.

It tasted chalky like the tripe, rubbery like the kidney and uniquely very fatty. So much so that you could taste the fat congeal as it cooled in your mouth.

I regret this now, but after tasting the penis my stomach couldn't withstand another onslaught so I opted out of trying the blood sausage. However, from the look on Graham's face I don't think I missed much.

Although there were more familiar cuts of meat in the parrillado I still wouldn't recommend this place to anyone. The meat is cooked over an open fire pit for probably 10 hours based on its toughness and lack of flavour. After being brave and experimental with the offal I can't tell you how disappointing it was to masticate a piece of tenderloin that tasted like wood for a full minute.

We probably should've known better from the start because El Gran Hollywood exhibits 3 out of 3 of the tell-tale signs of a bad restaurant: fluorescent lighting, pictures on the menu and a cash register by the front door. The only reason I can give to explain why it's consistently so full is that it's super cheap and you can feed a family from a meal meant for two. If you're ever passing by I suggest you keep your pace and go anywhere else but there.